Divorce Explained

It's like there's two peas in a pot.  Then one pea gets out of the pot and gets in a different pot with some carrots.

Almost Too Perfect

Kid:  Mom!  Stop it!  You're making me feel paranoid!

Me:  What?  Do you even know what that word means?

Kid:  No!  I don't!  Because NO ONE WILL TELL ME!

She Wants to be Your Friend?

Savannah has a crush on me!  She told me she has a crush on me! 

What's a crush?