MORTIFYING Things My Kid Says: WE WON'T BE GOING BACK TO THIS HAIRCUT PLACE

HEY!  Less of THIS [makes talking motion with fingers] and more of THIS [makes scissor snipping motion with fingers]!

Yelled in Target Near Someone Who Had Obviously Just Farted

Ugh!  Mom!  MOM!  It smells TERRIBLE in this aisle!

Slurred at 1:00 am, mostly asleep, while peeing everywhere in the bathroom

That's the price you pay!

It Explains A Lot, Actually

Mom!  I'm 5 years old!  I pretty much always have to go to the bathroom.

HORMONES!

Mom!  Do the Ramones make men grow beards on their face?

He Was Looking at Thimbles

Mom!  Where did you get all this finger armor??!!!

Liz Lemonning - He Was Pointing to an ad for Wine

Mom!  MOM!  I found something in this magazine you like!