Almost Too Perfect

Kid:  Mom!  Stop it!  You're making me feel paranoid!

Me:  What?  Do you even know what that word means?

Kid:  No!  I don't!  Because NO ONE WILL TELL ME!

Good Morning!

Mom?  Mom?  Um.....I think I sort of had a poo accident?

I Didn't Need To Know This At 4:19 AM

Mom!  Mom!  I just wanted to tell you that your hair smells really good!