I Just Asked Him To Eat Breakfast!

Why me???  WHYYYYY MEEEEEEEEE??!!!!!

I Didn't Need To Know This At 4:19 AM

Mom!  Mom!  I just wanted to tell you that your hair smells really good!

MORTIFYING Things My Kid Says: WE WON'T BE GOING BACK TO THIS HAIRCUT PLACE

HEY!  Less of THIS [makes talking motion with fingers] and more of THIS [makes scissor snipping motion with fingers]!

Yelled in Target Near Someone Who Had Obviously Just Farted

Ugh!  Mom!  MOM!  It smells TERRIBLE in this aisle!

Slurred at 1:00 am, mostly asleep, while peeing everywhere in the bathroom

That's the price you pay!

It Explains A Lot, Actually

Mom!  I'm 5 years old!  I pretty much always have to go to the bathroom.

HORMONES!

Mom!  Do the Ramones make men grow beards on their face?